For That Smile Of Yours

If only your heart hadn't been broken
If only nobody had crashed you at once
would you still have stayed the same?
or was it your excuse to change your ways?

Were I to choose between your pain
and your kind soul
I'd make a wish to take it all away
that unfair past of yours

I'd put you in a crystal palace
where nobody would be able
neither see nor touch
your beautiful thoughts
your fierce wounds

Take time, heal your tears
a prince will come
surely,not an English one
since it's already past time

So here I am
I'll grant a wish
anything that'd make that smile
appear again

Only for that smile of yours
i'd make real,everything your heart
wished came true

Dear Death

Black leaves fall in my head
but i ain't feeling, any of them
cold and fierce is my grief
for the long last life of mine

Come in with your scythe
take my soul back to the dead
put me down, time to sleep
no time to waste on Earth

A man with black hood
dark red eyes surround me
as if you were trying
for the very first time
to see the meaning of my essence

Dear Death, would mind coming early?
people ask me of christmas,
of happiness and misery
as if i know the difference
in my twisted dark thoughts

Wind full of emotion
awakes my dreams
leaving the velvet of death
hanging by threads

Animals hear Death's skythe scratching the floor.May the can see  it as well.

"My brother was fine"

Were you to make a mistake, what would that be?

Teasing a girl about her long gone brother or be left in ignorance of your actions?

Ignorance might be a blish or a thorn rooted in your freedom. 

What's more tempting?                                                                                   Less hurting?

Tonight I'm An Octopus.

I just feel insecure, unstable...Suddenly everything in my life seems to be going on by, in front of my and I can't do anything about it, just play the lead role of my life. That's sounds pretty strange i suppose. 

I'm an octopus with a strange hat and bad make-up.That's who I am.

Living your life as an outsider sounds compelling though.  So, what the next step? Somebody give me a promo or something!

Rolling in the grave will be fun

      My sister has never been a fan of books or a casual reader. Trying to get her to read anything was my ultimate goal. However, it seems like I didn't make it in time, since she's now in university and has read less than 20 books in her entire 18 years of existence (including childish fairy tails). Yet few weeks ago, she started reading books and making a reasearch in order to write an essay, concerning identity. Guess what: Not only did she find out that her opinions are similar to those of Aristotelis, but also that she wants to start reading books of Plato and other philosophers.....Sounds like fun to me!  

Yet, not a temptation.

Good things happen in movies

    Some nights ago a little elf came in my dreams and whispered in my ear: "Stop dreaming foolish things, dream about unrealistic things that'll make you happy, without the hope they'll actually happen. Imagining that something will change in real world, is a waste of time and of your gray matter.

An elf wandering around during September, never lies.

Lost People

Have your ever felt the sorrow on your skin?
Have you ever tried the sweetness of blasphemy?
Then keep the rest of us away
Since we are the source of the problem


No, don't bother to give a hand
we are already baptized in our sins
Hot burning pot of will
What would I give to change?


"Keep your demons out" read the sign
as intruding to the house of a so-called God
never accept the sacred
without checking with the landlord


Some sort of error occured
during my birth or infancy
since i was born
with an element missing


Don't make a fuss over it
it's already done
the chance you once had
is forever lost

Angelic Faces, a Poem of Truth

Did you know London Girl
that people with angelic faces
are the protestors of Hell?


The ones with dreadful masks
should be feared
only if you want to meet
the light of tommorow


To the next generation they wish
more for their lives
than the goods the rest have
to spent the following night



Shall the sunlight burn their skins
as if they were dead
cause the hollow of their souls
has no hope of salvation



Did you know London Girl
that Devil's manners are gentler
than those of the people with angelic faces?

A Death For Their Dog

It is strange, isn't it? The way people get attached with their dogs and cats? Within the years they become part of our life and family...Then one day, after a lot of years of companionship with them, you find them dead to the world....It is a pain, equal to the one you feel when losing a person to whom you're related.



To the dog who's been around in my entire chilhood,

                                                                                 Ludo R.I.P

School-sick

The only reason i might be a bit school-sick during summer vacation is because there is one thing i do only at school....

Which is drawing stupid things in my books

And name them as well...

Red Birds Know Best

I met a red bird one day and it told me that everything is gonna be alright eventually.

But who knows when "the end" is?

    

The sad part

When you lose somebody, you feel pain and as you live this pain becomes smaller and smaller. However, it never goes away or at least it takes a lot of time to heal the hole that is left in you.

Maybe the dog and the old man are right. I should seek an answer for my emptiness  at the sea.

Unfair

One thing everybody should know about people is this: everybody lies and can easily betray you. You may not come to realise it until the very end. How you get over it, is another story that you'll figure it either the easy or the bad way.

But, one thing is for sure: You find a way to get over it, one way or another and one ally you'll have on your side will be the anger....

A fly in the ocean

It's one of those moments when you feel like a little fly in the ocean: No reason to be there, not a clue what to do next. Looking at the waves and moving along with them might lead to a , so far, unknown destination.

What would you do if you were a fly in the ocean?

Define the situation

"Been there done that" you say and move on to your next "adventure". Have you ever thought that you need to look things over once more before you give up on them?

If Yes good for you.

If  Not bad for the people around you.

and now?

   You are a mess and you decide that it's time you stopped blaming your luck and start over and yes, of course it's not over yet....The moment you decide to move on the reason for which you were a mess comes back to hit you in the head. The first time it's jus to remind you of ti's excitence, the second time is about you deciding if you are to move on or work it out with "the reason".
   You take the first choice you'll never know what would have happened if you had given it a second chance and probably stay with the same questiob and regret for the rest of your life...What if?
   Choice number 2?Points you directly to the great conversation where things need to be solved or done for good, at least you'll know what you gave up on...But for the believers of the second chance, like me, there is the future just ahead and will show what's going to happpen after all these..
One thing is for sure:

We live with the choice we make. There is no turning back.

get yourself together

     There are moments in our lives when you don't know what to do next. Most of the things in your life go through a tough time friends, family, even yourself can work out problems or figure out how to hep others. The last aprt goes for me at least. When your one of your best friends feels so lonely and insecure you need to lend her/him a hand, when a person in your family goes through a rough patch you need to be there for her/him and after all these you need to see what else is going on in your own life. I don't manage well in the last section. Worrying about everything and everyone just doesn't work out very good for me, but sure enough i can't just stand there and do nothing, that's not me anyway.
    So, what needs to be done now? That sure is a great question, to which i can't find a satisfying response. Everyone deals with stuff like that in their one way and i have a plan in my mind, but not about it's results since plans don't always work the way you want them to. I'll try to deal with one problem at a time, but this hasn't worked very good for me, at least for the time being.

However, the most important thing i need to do is:

Save myself, let the best parts of my characters in the outside, stop the miserable look.

Keep up

     Wake up, wash your face, get ready for school and (try to) pay attention in the class. That's a child's everyday routine. However, when we (teens) have a bad day, or week, or month maybe, we are supposed to keep up with our lives.  As far as the most of people are concerned that's how it's gonna be, if every time somebody had a bad day, he skipped school or work, then the world would have even more problems than he already has. Despite all this, how are we going to do everything we are supposed to when our minds are off the classroom? When we can't concentrate in anything else but our problems? (Ok, i'll skip the irony part where i have to say that teens can't have any real problems).
     Some try to just "turn off" the switch off caring about something, but i have to say, it's not going to last for long. So what is left to do? My advice? Deal with the problem when it's still early because the longer it lasts the worse it gets and at some later point, you won't feel like dealing with it...

i wish i could explain

There are times when you simply don't know what to do. You feel that something is going terribly wrong but you don't know what. However, every problem has a solution (that's what out mathematicians at school, say, right?), so what's the solution to this problem?

   

Fall on your bed and believe that when you wake up everything is going to be okay?

Wait for anything to happen, so that you can figure out what's happening?


I wish i knew...

A debt to the grandmother (final)

    Max looked out of the bedroom's window which faced a narrow street, it was raining, another rainy day, he thought. He put on his work's uniform and rushed out his small apartment, he had been leaving in London for almost 3 years and he still hadn't got used to that rain.It had passed 5 years since his grandmother decided to show his the right way, the way he followed, partly. After that day, he went to the class in regular bases, as well as doing his homework. Two years later, few days after his graduation from high school, she passed away. Her death had a get effect on him and took him a while to stand up to his own feet again. Despite her good relationship with Max' s mother, he avoided her and denied her. Even though his grandmother's last wish was for him to mend the gap between them, he never did the first step, neither his mother as she was completely absorbed by her work and new husband.
      After two years of hard labour, Max decided to leave his home-village and go to London, to look for a better job, better than cutting woods. Of course, his real motive was to pay his debt to his grandmother, as he still felt deeply indebted to her, despite her death. After spending some months in an open university, he took a diploma and got employed. He did what his grandmother told him, he became better than his father, he left the village without leaving nobody behind (his mother didn't count at all).
    He walked through the rainy streets of London and got into the factory where he worked.

And he finally felt happy.

A debt to the grandmother (part 2)

      It was one of the December's coldest nights, when the young Max decided to return to his home, after such a hard day at work, he had cut twice the trees he would cut other days since his fellow woodcutter was sick and he needed the money pretty bad. Max knew pretty well what luck of money could cause to a family and he hated the fact that missing one day's payment could make such a huge difference to a man's finances, specially when he had a family, big family.
    He took a shortcut in order to save some time and get back home as soon as he could, he was physically exhausted. He entered from the front door quitely, so that we wouldn't wake up his  beloved grandmother, the one he owed so much to. The light turned up suddenly and Max hopped and looked around startled. His grandmother stood by the lamp right side with everyday clothes, not nightgown.
"Why are you up so late gran? It way passed your bedtime" said quite annoyed by his grandmother's surprise.
"I wanted to talk to you Maxwell"
"What about?and what's up with this Maxwell thing?"
"Sit down, we have a lot to talk about!" said with a tone that showed no room for negotiation. Max sit in the armchair unease.
"So, what's all this about?"

" I received your report card today! No, don't try to explain yourself Maxwell, told him and prevented him from saying all kind of excuses. "Your father was a low-life man with no sense of responsibility and no knowledge of what was happening around him. Do you know why?

He shrugged "Genes?"

"No! He was exactly like you, working from a young age, rarely setting a foot on school. How did this turned out for him, Maxwell?"

"Becoming a bastard?"

" Maxwell-Richard Cubes, don't play the smartass to me! You know very well! Everybody used him in their own way and when he finally realised it, it was already too late"

"Like father like son, isn't that what they say?Is that what you are afraid of?"

"I don't want to see you wasting your life in the same way he did!"

"So, I have to study, become a doc and make my life?Is this my only solution?"

"No, it's not the only solution. But having knowledge of what is happening around you, so that they won't take advantage of you, is your only solution so that you won't be your father's son. You have to be better than that! Don't make the same mistakes he did, be more, do more!
And he did.

A debt to the grandmother (part 1)

      Once suppon a time, there was a boy, he's name was Max. He lived in an isolated village south of England, where he spent every day, he never left the village. He lived alone with his grandmother, his father had left them and died, his mother worked all day long in order to provide for him and her mother-in-law (paradoxically enough, they had a very good relationship). she lived in the other sida of the village.
      The boy, in the awkward age of 16, spent his days by going to school whenever he liked, cutting and selling wood, to the local market and finally returned home in midnight.His teamates teased him,called him "max the axe" cause of this, something that would never end well, when Max was around to hear it. He didn't have many friends, only a few, who really cared about him, Haley and Remy. Haley was a bright student with kind heart when Remy was a reckless teenager and infatuated with all kinds of girls. These three made an incredible trio, who depended on each other with selflessness. Both of them tried restlessly to convince Max that giving up on his studies was a great mistake, that he had all wrong. However, every single time they tried to bring this subject in their conversations, they would end up arguing or he would simply avoid talking about it.
     The months passed and the time came, when the teachers gave the report cards to the parents, so that they saw theirs children's progress. In Max's family the lucky one to go and receive it was his grandmother, Alice, who got a great surprise, although it was nothing to be surprised about, she had noticed that her youngest grandson never set an eye on his homework. It was the moment when Alice Cubes, realised that she had to make that boy see what was in front of him.
     Alice Cubes was the one to raise her grandson, all by herself. She might had a good relationship with her daughter-in-law but she never forgave her the fact, that she left her son to her, of course she had the very same feeling towards her son, dead son who decided to leave them. His death didn't touch anyone and soon enough everybody forgot about his existance. The only one who stood by Max was her, his grandmother and Max knew it. He knew that he had a debt to the grandmother.

About a month ago i saw a One Piece where where a giant said a wonderful phrase, that really touched me.

                " There's is not such thing as being born into this world to be alone"

 Maybe it touched a nerve of mine, maybe it just happened to  like, but it really appealed to me.

Many teenagers get to be introvert and not talk much about themselves, isn't that right? An extreme feeling of loneliness surrounds them and makes them uneasy...But no matter what happens  i truly believe in that phrase. It might take time, lots of it, but you will find a place to belong to, at last!

Until then you just have to..hang in there!